We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
