Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
