I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Boobs are out for the taking
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
