My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
