You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
