Acid is not a monday night drug
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
