90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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