omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
