i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
