She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
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Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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