she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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