A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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