I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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