Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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