I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
high people should be assigned attendants
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-