when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.