You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
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It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
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Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Let's get the cat blown out
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked