I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?