Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.