That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.