Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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