Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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