btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
