I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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