I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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