I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
