His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
