its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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