Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
