So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
