I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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