just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
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I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
and you fell through a lawn chair
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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