I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
