I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
