omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
