it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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