I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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