But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
