Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
