I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
