Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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