Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
