They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
