last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
