He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
