well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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