why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
