Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
