Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
