I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
