Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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