I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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