I just made out with a guy for $7.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We left the knife in your bed.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
