i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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