I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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