My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
