i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
