He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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