she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
