I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
