Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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