dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
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i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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