the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
