I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
