Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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